So in a couple of hours I have to go to a restaurant with a dozen or so work and ex-work friends to 'celebrate' my birthday. I've already got the anxiety shakes.
This has all been organised by my closest work friend - who is truly lovely but, as she's an extrovert, she has no concept of the stress it causes me. Not that she should since I've not out-right told her, just been my usual surly and uncommunicative self. Which she probably interprets as my version of ebullient.
The other reason for the dinner tonight - two weeks before the actual date - is so that 'never-to-be' can attend. Which is a lovely idea but again is not an ideal situation for my mental health. Which, again, the organiser would not know since I've not told her.
I am the architect of my own demise.
I'm trying - so hard - to keep it together and make the evening at least pleasant. It's going to be torture, I know that, I just have to grin and bear it. Fuck I wish I had some valium.