Wednesday, August 31, 2005

steal this blog

Honestly. You'd have to make a better fist of it than I am..

But in any case, my rant for the day:

Advertising on the sides of buses. They're kinda the red-headed step-children of billboard adverts.

Often faces of radio 'personalities' showing exactly why they work in radio not on TV, flashy promos for the latest Hollywood crapbuster featuring square-jawed heroes and surgically enhanced heroines, or (my favourite) animated characters with improbably-large-and-gravity-defying-breasts promoting the latest x-box/playstation life-waster. When silicon just isn't enough, use CGI!

My gripe though is with a couple of second-stringer ads. There's this one that purports to be for a shampoo but the fact is that when you look at the picture what springs to mind is "my GOD look at the udders on her!" or similar. Sure I'm speaking from a male perspective here but it takes quite a while for the eye and brain to move onto other parts of the ad. Where it can be spotted that her hair is, yes, somewhat shiny.

But honestly - come on! Her breasts are right smack in the middle, so obviously the central point. I didn't have time to measure the space used but I'm sure there's more breast area than anything else in that pic, including the huge waterfall behind her (because people who bathe in waterfalls always have the best hair, it's a scientific fact). I should have read the fine print, perhaps it was breast enlargement shampoo and I'm slagging it off to no purpose.

Anyway, enough of that one. Oh - hang on, the name of the shampoo was 'Rosetta & Stone' which baffled me. Perhaps they're appealing to the long overlooked but lucrative Egyptologist market?

The other ad is just so stupid. Advertising some clothing store or something but features a woman reclining draped in fancy fabrics. Sounds innocuous but the way she's lying and the look on her (blank, glazed) face just scream *junkie*! All you'd need are a few track marks and a string of drool from the corner of her mouth. Or perhaps it's a dead body - fashion photographers having decided that models charge far too much now just keep a couple on ice.. Wouldn't surprise me in the least.

Anyway, rant over - go about your business.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

how shocking (fnar fnar)

Attempted murderer. Posted by Picasa

Yes, my appliances tried to kill me this morning. Ok, not all of them. I'm still getting along with the stereo, fridge and (obviously) computer, and the washing machine & I still have a wary mutual respect.

But the iron tried to take me on this morning. Bastard.

I'd like to say it threw me across the room but I came back swinging, unfortunately the truth of the matter is that I curled up in a ball and quivered on my bed.

If I had any hair I think it'd be standing on end.

For all my joking about my doctor friend in the previous post (ah, how ironic!) it's great to have a cardiac specialist you can call at the drop of a hat. Or drop of an arrhythmia. Or something.

Dammit, I didn't even finish ironing my shirt..

Monday, August 29, 2005

kick out the yams

Title courtesy of a dream I had the other night where MC5 were helping me do the gardening. Rake, muthafucka, rake!

I don't remember if they were any good. They don't really strike me as the greenfingered type - except perhaps for being dab hands at growing pot.

Anyway, the weekend that was:

BBQ on Friday night celebrating a friend getting a job. Cardiac medicine. Scary shit quite frankly, and you don't even get to keep your hands warm in someone's chest cavity - it's all done with tubes and you go in through the groinal region. I think it's a big con and he's just a highly paid perve. Well, at least it's not as obvious as becoming a proctologist..

A fun party though, met some cool people, charred some steak and managed to drop the entire meat-covered hotplate on the balcony floor. Fortunately no-one inside saw us so no harm done. If anyone develops food poisoning that was just a joke ok?

Saturday at karate I got given a lot of shit. Quite literally. Timbo-san procured for me 3 sacks of horse dung on the equine by-product black market. Who knew there was such a thing?

Anyway, that was the best bit of the training. Well, except for dropping Jason with a well-timed roundhouse to the floating rib. That was fun *g* But after 9 fights I was dying on my feet, fortunately so was everyone else so my demise wasn't too spectacular.

Stayed up far too late to watch the ABs trample the Boks. And much fun was had by all - as long as you're a Kiwi. Although the coverage on channel 7 was abysmally poor - not only did they only show delayed coverage (starting at 11:45pm! bastards) but they jammed in as many epic ad breaks as they possibly could, occasionally cutting off the restart so they could show more ads. Wankers.

Stayed up a bit longer watching Rage - guest programmed by Billy Corgan. Which reaffirmed my belief that he's a talentless pretentious cock. Well, his choice of music wasn't too bad to start with (Jane's Addiction, Sonic Youth, Mazzy Star, Spiritualized) but I missed all those and had the misfortune to tune into Limp Bizkit (gak), Swervedriver (yawn), Christina Aguilera (what the..?), and Seal (copious hurling). Plus his attempted uber-cool spoken interludes had me throwing cushions at his moon-like head.

Sunday I attempted to do some gardening but, with my sleep deprived brain half expecting MC5 to turn up to help at any minute, couldn't muster the enthusiasm for much. The lawn is coming up though, I must get around to fixing that lawnmower..

So. There you go. Don't know why I splurged all that - possibly some guilt that a half dozen of you persist in venturing over here day after day in the vain hopes that some nugget of wit and wisdom has sifted free from my brain pan.

I'd promise to do better in the future but.. we'd all know I was lying.

Monday, August 01, 2005

my *new* favourite t-shirt!

so true!

My folks are usually so weird with their gifts when they come back from holidays. Like the cheese-slicer they brought me from Tasmania. Or the carved boar's tusk from Niue. Or the Echidna-in-a-can from Cairns.

Ok, that one was pretty cool as well as weird. But still..

But now, this t-shirt redeems all the other strangenesses. I *love* this one!

PS Happy birthday Bro! 37 years old? Never dreamt you'd make it.. :D