Saturday, November 13, 2004

interesting times

Be careful what you wish for.

So, on my way back from a mammoth karate session (oh my aching toes.. trust me - it's the toes that suffer most) and the first bus I catch is packed so I'm standing. The next stop some crazy guy gets on, shuffles down the aisle a bit and takes a swing at me.

My finely honed reflexes prevent any contact (naturally) so I just stare at the guy in bemusement. Not very Yoshukai I know, I should have dismembered him and beaten his pulped corpse with his own limbs. But it's been a long day, give me a break. There's only so much bodily violence you can dish out on a daily basis.

Anyway, he just wanders on past muttering to himself and sits down the back.

Frankly I'm impressed with myself - I must have looked so cool. Well, I did in my own mind.

Don't burst my bubble dammit.

The next bus I caught was completely empty at first but the first person other than me to board it chose for some inexplicable reason to sit right in front of me. And was wearing pungent and offensive aftershave. My nostrils are still seared. On the other hand he was wearing what would be almost cool on someone else - a pink shirt with little Space Invaders all over it. I want one!

Then the next stop some muttering woman gets on and sits right behind me. At which point I'm beginning to feel uneasy. Like I'm in some horror movie and they'll all turn out to be zombies. Or Mormans. Or zombie Mormans. Or whatever.

Then the very next person, a morbidly obese woman with loud headphones, gets on and sits right across the aisle from me. At this stage I'm holding my bag ready to break the window and run screaming "Undead! Undead!". Or something.

The next two passengers obviously sense there's something seriously amiss at the Circle K and sit as far away from me as possible. Bastards, they were just hanging me out there as bait for the evil dead.

The next two are a pair of diminutive Asian girls carrying large parcels. I didn't trust them one bit. Especially when they looked up the bus and came & sat right behind the headphones woman, who at this stage I was convinced was receiving messages in the music and sooner or later there'd be the trigger code to send her on a bloody killing rampage.

I could almost hear the muttering woman behind me repeating "one of us.. one of us" under her breath.

So, deciding that running the fuck away is the better part of valor, I got off hurriedly at the next stop.

The fishboy fabled freak magnet strikes again. Damn, I thought I'd lost that thing.

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