Wednesday, June 30, 2010

crimson tide

I've recently begun dangling my toes into the dating pool. OK, well, to be honest it feels like I've done a flailing cannonball* - but that's only by my own anti-social standards. But anyway, meeting people using methods both old (i.e. dubious recommendations from friends) and new (i.e. dubious online dating services) has proven to be kinda fun.

Despite my reservations and my natural inclination to just hide away in my own world so far I've met four lovely women. All of whom are intelligent, articulate, attractive and (at least as far as I can tell) sane. And they appear to like me too - or if they don't are at least polite about it.

The disturbing aspect to this (quite apart from being entirely out of my comfort zone) is that the universe seems to be throwing redheads at me. Two of the four are bloodnuts - and I'm meeting another tonight. It's as if, having recently been with one flamehaired female, I'm now ginger-bait. Not that I'm complaining mind, they've all been delightful - and, interestingly, all happen to be writers/journalists. Not that there's probably any causative connection there - although I'm not sure if anyone has studied it..

Anyway, I've no expectations about where any of this is going. Hell, I've no idea how to progress from meeting someone to developing intimacy under these circumstances. I'm probably coming across as pretty reserved, distant and aloof (which would be accurate on the whole - except to the 60-odd people I call friends) but none of them have actively run away from me yet.

Hopefully I'll get better at it, but at the very least I've met cool people and had some fascinating conversations. No shags yet tho, dammit**.

* I've managed to keep my trunks on though. So far.
** Jokes. Mostly.


sas said...

I had such fun internet dating!

What worked for me was to basically co-opt the same approach I would have in 'real-life'. So if a bloke smiles at me in a bar and I know instantly that they are not for me, I politely ignore them. Same goes for the smiles you get from the dull, non-interesting, nothing in common, earnest types.

I had done quite a lot of thinking (A FUCKING LOT) about previous relationships and what had worked, had not worked. So I already had a picture in my head of the type of person I was looking for - I would refer back to this list all the time.

I learnt discretion - in the past if a bloke I fancied had liked me then I would twist myself into whatever I thought he was looking for to make it work. With internet dating I realised I could just be myself and it didn't really matter.

And i had three rules: no shagging until date #3 (at least), no drinking on dates (cos after 2 glasses of wine I am anybody's) and no falling in love (I tend to go from indifferent to obsessed in about 9 days).

Also dating a few guys at a time just to get to know some different people worked for me. I wasn't sleeping with anyone - just finding out who they were.

And if someone did something I didn't like: from lying about where they were, to being really unfunny - i binned them early.

It was a fun, difficult, scary, weird, natural process! When I met Ash, it was right, absolutely from the start.

Trust your instincts :)

Best of luck!

fishboy said...

Thanks Sas! Love your rules - just wish I'd read them before Wednesday night's date. Not that there was any shagging, but we did get boozed and there was a bit of snogging before I managed to disengage long enough to send her off in a taxi..

The rule I may have most problems with is number three. I have a tendency to throw myself in the deep end far too quickly. I'm learning restraint tho - and resilience.

I think I'm being pretty naturalistic about this - I'm not pretending to be anything other than me. If anything I'm possibly a little too honest - but frankly I can't be bothered expending the energy constructing a new persona. It's hard enough to remember real events some days let alone invented ones.

It is fun though (never thought I'd say that!) - possibly because I've stepped away from the idea that I'm doing it to find a partner and am just meeting new and interesting people. The fact that they happen to be attractive women is simply a bonus :)

Sal said...

best o luck mate

fishboy said...

Cheers Sal, it's turning out to be quite fun - if somewhat exhausting.