Thursday, December 20, 2007
But I will. A conversation I had with a plumber the other morning:
Me: Hi Jeff, here from xxxx* you called yesterday about coming out to look at the drains. I was hoping we could set a time..?
Him: Yeah, I called the other day but no-one called back.
Me: Umm, yeah, I'm calling you now...
Him: So do you want me to come fix your drains now?
Me: [looking at the time and figuring I can be late for work, hell it's only the public service..] Sure, now would be ok with me.
Him: Look mate, don't call me and expect me to drop everything to come fix your drains.
Me: [confused] Umm, sure, ok - another time th-
Him: [cutting me off] I'll be there in half an hour. [hangs up]
Me: [talking to a dead phone] ..wha?
Hang on, didn't he offer to come right away? Ok so I'm never at my best at comprehension first thing in the morning but that was a little weird...
* yes, I actually live in a can of beer
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
What the hell is it?
Of all the dishes, this is the one most likely to be mistaken for a threatening message from the mob. It's a sheep's head. Boiled.
And that's the most palatable of them. Balut makes #1 but for my money casu marzu is the worst.
Jesus H. Poledancing Christ.
If nothing else it'll make you appreciate Aunt Nora's 'special' potato salad this Xmas.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
I'll just say that those pics don't show the largest known star which is about 3 times the size of Antares. As shown in this gif (click through to start):
All credit to whoever made it, I've no idea where I got it from.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Monday, December 10, 2007
This one is the Roots guys watching it. Warning: there is a lot of screaming. And an afro.
Via the Underwire.
Friday, November 30, 2007
This is a brilliant story with amazing pictures. Although I'm not sure about the cuddling the grouper bit. Almost makes me want to run away to sea. Well, actually, it doesn't at all - but I'm glad someone else did it.
Vote for Mister Splashy Pants!
Everone have a lovely weekend, I'm off to get drunk.
PS XKCD explains what went wrong with my week. Lucky I always carry shark repellent...
Friday, November 23, 2007
Thursday, November 22, 2007
After a delightfully drunken weekend away in Aotearoa for the wedding of good friends (spending $300+ on a fantastic suite to sleep in 4 hours, shower a couple of times and vomit occasionally..) I return to sunny Sydney and to a hufuckerous (adjective du jour!) shit-storm at work.
I really should have expected this since people always seem to wait till I get back rather than trying to fix anything themselves. Or even tell anyone else about the problems.
And I've figured out why servers are called servers - not because they provide 'service' or anything so helpful. It's because they serve as convenient scapegoats if anything goes wrong.
"The database is down"
"Sorry, the server is offline"
"I can't upload data"
"Server's refusing connections at the moment"
"Datalinking is working very slowly"
"The server just stepped out for a coffee"
"I just lost 22 marriage files!"
"The server hates you. Sacrifice a chicken. It likes honey-fried with bbq sauce"
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
When humans were content to slice off the top layer of the food web - the big fish, whales, sharks, etc - we had a chance to pull back & things would (probably) come right. Now that we're determined to rip the base out of the oceanic ecosystem I'm prepared to call it.
Human race R.I.P.
You deserve it.
Friday, November 02, 2007
It's got a view: wonderful.
There's another building close by: not so flash.
It's an apartment block: a little more interesting.
Their balconies face my window: better & better.
Occasionally, on a balcony near my office window, sexy asian girls in hotpants congregate to smoke cigarettes: way-hey - now we're talking!
I'm hanging out for the pillowfights...
Thursday, November 01, 2007
This was sent to me by my developer - insinuating that I am Pointy-Haired Boss. In truth, however, I'm merely the much reviled middleman passing requests one way and incoherent screams of rage the other...
We of course sent her this reply:
Oh my God, the font. I didn't even think about the font. And what about the colour. Do you think it is the right shade? AND OH MY GOD, I didn't even think about the size of the boxes for visually impaired people! OH and can we have a braille version?
I'm still hiding. She has a cricket bat.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
The effect is much the same really, although there's less blood to hose down afterwards.
I recently discovered a couple of comics that have brightened my otherwise dull, meaningless life to a warm glow. I suggest you take a few hours to trawl through the archives of both of these:
Platinum Grit - this has been around since the early 90s?! Man am I slow on the uptake...
The Perry Bible Fellowship - I dig humour of the unexpected. But you probably expected that. Certainly should have expected a bad joke if you know me at all.
Both of these (and others, whose worth I am currently assessing) come recommended by fullyramblomatic.com, authored by the improbably named Yahtzee Croshaw. A better name than his younger brother Craps Croshaw I guess...
In case you missed my plug for his Zero Punctuation game reviews there it is again. Even if you don't play computer games you'll get a giggle.
I'd say you'd thank me for it but you never do. Ungrateful bastards.
* In Australia Liberal means conservative rightwing dirtbag not, y'know, liberal. Yes, it's Bizarro world down here.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Saturday, October 20, 2007
'Controversy' here, here and *sigh* here...
I saw this performed a few months ago when I went to see Dead Caesar, a lovely little satirical gem. I seem to remember the version performed then was even filthier - and had everyone in stitches.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
My love of them extends not just to the written word but to the look and feel of them and, while I'm going through a period of extreme 'meh' with the literary world at the moment, I can't not love the care & attention that is being put into the presentation of books right now.
I speak not of the dross of the usual gaudy & banal sci-fi/fantasy (Harry Potter, come on up..) or 'popular' fiction (popular with who exactly?), but books like McSweeney's hardcovers - beautiful cover, matt finish, a joy to the hand and eye. I'd buy one just to have on my shelf if I could justify it.
Also The Method Actors by Carl Shuker - a paperback but beautiful all the same (yes, I'm biased in favour of hardcovers), and The Eternal Frontier by Tim Flannery.
Another is the hardcover of On Chesil Beach by Ian McEwan. That book is stunningly beautiful. Unfortunately I've no desire to read it after having read Atonement and was bored, distanced, engrossed, bored, enthralled, moved, and eventually conned and let down by it. And then trying to read Saturday but not getting past the bored stage. Yes he's an awesome writer with great prose but ultimately he doesn't draw me in to his stories.
I recently bought the Absolute Watchmen. Oh. My God. That is an incredible graphic novel (best ever? possibly so..) and a stunning looking package. Rivals my Absolute Sandman Vol 1 for sheer impressive beauty. Oh, and I'm trying desperately to ignore the film version of Watchmen that's in the pipeline - Tom Cruise wants to play Ozymandias FFS...
So, given that I'm not going to just buy a book for the look of it, anyone got any suggestions for a good read?
Friday, October 05, 2007
Friday, September 28, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Later in the dream I turned into a giant squid.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Thieved from The Dropkicks and the Alternative Rugby Commentary.
Any bets on how many headlines are going to read "Wales Harpoon Japanese!" after this match?
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
I used to be able to survive on very little rest; about 15 years ago I went without sleep for a week to see what it would be like.
Now, just the thought of that fills me with horror. I feel like my blood has been replaced with lead after one night.
I'd give my left nut for some sleep (metaphorical - stay away from me with scissors).
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Monday, September 03, 2007
Friday, August 31, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
I'm disturbed that I find this funny. It's chilling that I even understand it.
What the hell happened to me? I'm supposed to be a fucking marine biologist not a computer geek!
When did my life go so horribly wrong?
Monday, August 20, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Thursday, July 19, 2007
For those who don't know: Jon Lovitz voiced Jay Sherman in The Critic and has appeared as various characters (Artie Ziff mainly) in The Simpsons.
Fave line from The Critic:
Jay: You're old enough to be my mother.
Doris: So? You're fat enough to be my car.
Andy Dick is well named.
Monday, July 16, 2007
WeeputoCarterCartertoRokocokoRokocokohitsthejetstry. Brilliant! Warning: should not be viewed by the French.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Supreme Court cuts energy wastage
The Supreme Court is leading the way when it comes to conserving energy by switching off computers at the end of the day.
This is leading the way?
I thought this was the bare fucking minimum, something that every person with two brain cells to rub together would be doing anyway?
Oh wow, the Courts are 'leading' with this incredible move. Who knows, perhaps next they'll be turning off lights when they leave or *gasp!* recycling materials in their building.
Don't worry everyone, the planet is being saved!
You judges and lawyers can keep driving your 4 litre Urban Assault Vehicles over from the North Shore each day, getting your shitty coffee in polystyrene cups, buying lunch made from all imported ingredients, relaxing in your climate controlled offices - all guilt free because you're turning off your computers at the end of the day. Well done.
The planet thanks you for your courageous sacrifice.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Mike: Maybe you shouldn't have poured that washing up liquid into it.
Vyv: But the manual said: "Ensure machine is clean and free of dust before use."
Mike: Yeah, but it didn't say: "Ensure machine is full of washing-up liquid."
Vyv: Ah, but it didn't say: "Ensure machine isn't full of washing-up liquid."
I've been emptying a lot of washing-up liquid out of machines.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
I say this fully aware of the irony that I work in IT and very seldom send non-work related email (so those friends who are waiting on email from me and were about to get snarky can consider me well snarked). This is about work. I'm usually sending more than 20 emails a day. Although I reckon only about one in 5 gets read by anyone.
My gripe (today) is that these IT geeks, while having a grasp of Unix or Java of which I could only dimly dream (and makes fetching bespectacled nerdettes swoon (also dimly, in their dreams (those of the nerds, not the imaginary nerdettes (yes, I'll quit with the brackets now)))), seem entirely incapable of grasping the operation of a keyboard and formulation of grammatically correct English.
Proof of which I offer hereforth (or fifth (ok, ok, no more brackets (or stupid jokes))). These are requests for informations sent by a developer today. At least I think they were requests - it was hard to tell given the complete lack of question marks. Or punctuation.
Atempt to transmit the attached file (has been format for display) results in the following eror.
Spec's for childAgeType shows UN as valid.
Could you have look and let me konw why the errors occurring.
*teeth grinding at abuse of apostrophes*
AM I SUPPOSED TO BE REGISTERED TO GET UPDATES.
Whoa dude, no need to shout...
here a list of changes\rules made
Is there a nother docu that says "both DoB and Age can be left blank if a selection is made from AgeExtra"
At least he got a bit of that right. Hang on, that's me he's quoting...
Should not it be the other way around. Every developers testing one be changed and advised of live change 1 week later (Unless extend for bug fixes)
Actually, I haven't responded to that one yet. Because I have no idea what he's getting at.
I give up. Communicating with fish was easier than dealing with this bunch.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Think global, act local.
Not a very good argument really. Just trying to turn my slobbishness into ethics.
Oh, also went to a food & wine festival.
Word of advice for businesses thinking they raise your profile: don't bother. I don't remember a single brand name from the whole day. Too pissed.
Oops. Bad consumer *smack*
Word of the day: sool. Just because.
Friday, June 15, 2007
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
...and a broken shoe was the best part of it.
Quite apart from the usual smorgasboard of moronic yapping colleagues and fixing of other people's idiotic screw-ups, today I happened to be working on the FD accounts list and somehow managed to delete half of them.
So if you're a funeral director in NSW and are having difficulty uploading data you know who to blame. Please don't call me.
Monday, June 04, 2007
He signed on as communications and meterology guy for an expedition to study the crater. There have only ever been two expeditions there and as yet they've not discovered the origins of it. So he's going on a two month trek into the Amazon rainforest to study a mysterious crater. How cool is that?
I totally reckon he's going to be abducted by aliens.
Saturday, June 02, 2007
If you've not seen it: don't.
If you have - the comment has to be made (and probably has been by many): Worst.Case.Of.Crabs.Ev0r!
Monday, May 28, 2007
Actually, what I really want to do is talk about Life on Mars and how utterly brilliant that show is but I'm too tired and it'll just have to wait for another day.
But Life on Mars really is fantastic.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Can someone please tell this man to stop shitting over my childhood memories and reducing the legacy of one of the defining films of the past 40 years to a CGI joke?
Oh, and point out that his beard isn't disguising the fact he has no neck. Is that a goiter?
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Middle-aged English lads
Drive fast cars I will never buy
The Stig likes bad music
My excuse? It was 3am - you do better...
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Lloyd Alexander, superb children's fantasy author, has died.
Author of the brilliant Prydain Chronicles, the gripping Westmark Trilogy and (significant to only me perhaps) The First Two Lives of Lukas-Kasha, a stand-alone that captured my imagination 25 years ago when I first (and last!) read it. Must try and track down a copy of that...
Reading the Prydain Chronicles at the age of 10 or 12 was entrancing, and spurred me to read The Mabinogion and investigate more into Welsh history and legend. I still have no idea how to pronounce any of the names though.
If you've not read them, and have any interest in fantasy at all, read these books.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Guy #1: What does 'emo' stand for anyway?
Guy #2: Emotional. Apparently.
Guy #1: (outraged) What? When the fuck did 'emotional' become a genre?!
A question that seriously needs answering.
Along with 'Why isn't there a hunting season for emos?'
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Mother & baby doing fine, father going somewhat nuts with the excitement and adventure of the whole thing.
Well done fishbro & fishS-I-L, the hard bit is over now - just 18-20 years of parenting to go..
Much love to all three of you.
PS I found the perfect gift! :)
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Claire mentioned to me at Xmas that she hadn't seen any pictures of the insane orange beast for a while. Just to show that he's alive and well and still kinda cute. Occasionally. When anyone has a camera out. The rest of the time he's a psychopathic bastard... Don't be fooled.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
FB: I think you just made that up
EF: Not true.
FB: you know I haven't got teh interwebs at work so it could still be an elaborate hoax..
EF: Yes, that's right. It could just be an elaborate hoax.
FB: you've got so much time on your hands after all, who knows what you invent to pass the time...
EF: Most of it is indeed not safe for the easily offended...or confused.
FB: I'm confused.. should I be offended?
EF: Only if you find it easier.