I am an Aquarius.
(Also known as "Water Bearer")
My Horroscope starts like this:
" A hopeless and helpless dreamer, forever out of touch with reality, an Aquarius is ever lost in his own fantasy world. " (Read more | Find yours)
And the extended riff:
He never returns money he borrows, for immediately upon borrowing it, he spends it and forgets about the debt. An Aquarius constantly breaks his promises, and hates nothing more than working.
People born under this sign love badmouthing and making fun of those that are close to them, but always behind their back.
An Aquarius is drawn to greasy junk food and cheap action novels, both of which he buys in untold quantities.
His vacation is usually spent holed up in some god-forsaken bar, since he has spent all his getaway money on one of his uncounted projects destined to make the world a better place for humanity.