I feel a bit frayed at the edges. Fuzzy. Unfocussed. I can't seem to concentrate for long or stay interested in anything much. Work isn't exciting me (not that it was ever a great love), I'm not reading much, TV or the internet seem to shorten my attention span.
I only truly concentrate when I'm at the movies or when I'm at karate. It's a worry that those are the only times since both only happen with external help: the former is concentration due to having distractions removed, the latter is enforced by my self-preservation instinct at not wanting to get kicked in the head.
Perhaps I'm lacking passion. In fact I know I am. I'm just unsure what it is that I can be passionate about. I'm not even sure what interests me any more.
Karate I've been doing for more than 20 years, it's no longer an 'interest' as such - more part of who I am. Reading, movies - these things are too passive to be activities. Gardening I lost with the garden. Collecting books used to obsess me but I've barely bought more than half a dozen this year. Activism, environmentalism, atheism, left-wing bleeding-heart pinkoism - none of these draw me like they used to (although I still love to talk about them when I can - the argumentative sod in me hasn't totally fled).
I need to actually make a start on those projects that I'd set myself earlier in the year. They might not excite me now but at least might lead to something else new. It's amusingly ironic that I spent many years joking with my ex that she needed a hobby and now I've found I'm the one who needs one.
Or more than one.