I feel a bit frayed at the edges. Fuzzy. Unfocussed. I can't seem to concentrate for long or stay interested in anything much. Work isn't exciting me (not that it was ever a great love), I'm not reading much, TV or the internet seem to shorten my attention span.
I only truly concentrate when I'm at the movies or when I'm at karate. It's a worry that those are the only times since both only happen with external help: the former is concentration due to having distractions removed, the latter is enforced by my self-preservation instinct at not wanting to get kicked in the head.
Perhaps I'm lacking passion. In fact I know I am. I'm just unsure what it is that I can be passionate about. I'm not even sure what interests me any more.
Karate I've been doing for more than 20 years, it's no longer an 'interest' as such - more part of who I am. Reading, movies - these things are too passive to be activities. Gardening I lost with the garden. Collecting books used to obsess me but I've barely bought more than half a dozen this year. Activism, environmentalism, atheism, left-wing bleeding-heart pinkoism - none of these draw me like they used to (although I still love to talk about them when I can - the argumentative sod in me hasn't totally fled).
I need to actually make a start on those projects that I'd set myself earlier in the year. They might not excite me now but at least might lead to something else new. It's amusingly ironic that I spent many years joking with my ex that she needed a hobby and now I've found I'm the one who needs one.
Or more than one.
11 comments:
four months after a heartbreaking break-up i went to turkey. on my own. i was terrified. but for lots of reasons it was one of the most life affirming things i have ever done. and the anticipation of it gave me something to focus on and plan for.
perhaps you just need something to look forward to?
You're exactly right - you cut to the heart of it. I need plans. I've got plenty of stuff happening on a short term basis - my life is pretty busy and fun. But I need something longer term to work towards and anticipate. And possibly be scared of :)
italy with me next year?
:-D
Serious? I'm in :)
i think we should discuss this, babe.
i am definitely keen to visit helen and marco, but their timing might be out of whack with what's doable for me!
that said, a trip to europe with my best friend would be good whether or not the family are there.
xxx
Awesome babe - I'll skype you about it. Or we'll talk when I'm over in a couple of weeks.
Of course this assumes you won't be married and happily pregnant by then... ;)
i take the best-friend comment back. you are just an asshole as it turns out.
x
But I thought that was why we were best friends! Like attracts like y'know ;p
probably a fair call.
but i am still frowning at you.
(and still love you as much as ever, i just can't seem to kick that habit)
why are you not on gmail chat?
Heh, either I'm an addictive substance or you're a masochist. Most likely a little from column A, a little from column B...
Can't chat - still at work. Leaving very shortly tho. Talk to you soon babe.
heh, I love you two.
Going to check out some of those links as I'm having some downtime in the airport - an hour and a half left to boarding, 3 hours left on the laptop battery and free wifi.....
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