Wednesday, March 10, 2010

fascination

What is it that makes you intrigued with someone?

I don't just mean people that you're attracted to, although those are some of the best ones: those that tick all the boxes including the ones between the ears and between the legs. A potent combination! But that's not entirely what I'm after - yes hopefully that person will come along, and I have hope that she will, but until then I'm searching for intellectual stimulus.

There are plenty of people that I enjoy being around: those that make me laugh, are fun to be with, or simply pleasant company. These are my friends, some are very good friends - some are lovers. All important people to me - their generous friendships have carried me through recent tough emotional times. But they don't often engage me on a cerebral level or, at least, I sometimes feel like I'm an intellectual pez dispenser whose role it is to proffer ideas, concepts and arguments. Is it selfish of me to want to be energised in return?

I really don't think I'm as smart as some friends think I am: I just think I have more of a love for playing around with ideas and discussing concepts than most people. Talk of the latest TV programs or celebrities or rubbish local news bores me silly - or baffles me since I often have no idea who the people involved are. Water-cooler conversations around me generally involve a bit of explanation and back-story before I get the gist of what they're on about.

I like to be passionate about something. Anything even. I'm a very opinionated prick and can hold forth on most subjects given a sufficiently sturdy soap-box on which to stand. Not that I claim absolute knowledge about everything, but I can usually string together a reasonable argument on most topics I care about (depending my level of inebriation). But, crazy as it sounds, I'm sick of hearing my own voice - I want to be inspired by someone else. Or at least irritated and perplexed. Either way: someone saying something to grab my attention.

I need people that make me want to hear more of what they say, make me want to know more about them, lead me to think and contemplate issues/events/whatever in different ways. Lead me to discuss and argue with them - in a respectful if robust way. I love talking with someone with whom I can have a frank disagreement and actually figure out where the differences are rather than, upon finding dissent, retreating to the mealy-mouthed "oh, yes - of course you're entitled to your opinion". A statement that implies "and you're a fucking idiot for having that opinion" but doesn't have the balls to say it.

I guess I'm looking for people to bounce ideas off, people who will tell me without sugar-coating when I'm wrong. I'm very good at being wrong - I've had a lot of practice. I guess ultimately I'm looking for motivation and exhilaration. Possibly even someone I can emulate - a role-model even. I've never had one of those - it might be a nice thing.

So.. does anyone know of a good cult I can join? Has to be one that is based on questioning and arguing about everything tho - and run by open-minded, astute and opinionated sods. Funky robes and Kool-aid are a plus but not essential.

Apologies for the rambling nature of this - I've been drinking wine and arguing all evening. It's been lovely.

6 comments:

Jen said...

'Ordinary people talk about other people. Intelliegent people talk about events. Geniuses talk about ideas.'

Not totally sure about whether there's any truth in this but..... interesting all the same.

See you soon!

eroica said...

i feel like i just got dumped!!

fishboy said...

Jen: I've always liked that quote, although I'm not convinced that talking about ideas makes you a genius. I've yet to get the call-up to Mensa..

See you in a couple of days! :)

eroica: You're dumb as a bag of wet mice but I still call you friend ;p

y said...

In France they havethose 'café-philo' places/events where people get together and drink and, well, discuss themes/ideas and argue until they run out of voice. It's fun. Start one!

Sal said...

>some are lovers

"some"
"some"!?!?

you bloody SWINE, you.

Sal said...

>I guess I'm looking for people to bounce ideas off, people who will tell me without sugar-coating when I'm wrong.

you wanna work with top-class coders, you do.

i felt the same as you do now, for a very long time. i suddenly, accidentally, fell into a group of major league coders. and my life changed.