...with a whimper not a bang

Or more precisely a 'meh'.

I think it's time to draw a line under this blog and call it done.

It's lasted 5 years and has pretty obviously run it's course. I barely update it, almost never say anything personal, pertinent or insightful and just don't really have the interest in it anymore. Hell, I haven't checked my site stats for months.

I've no regrets: although losing the anonymity was a blow I didn't get fired, lose friends or get cut out of anyone's will (so far as I know..). And I've met some wonderful, weird and wonderfully weird people - some of whom I've been lucky enough to meet in person too.

I'm loathe to say I'll never be back (concocting blog-posts in my head is something I still do) but this is my official retirement.

It's been fun people. Thank you all for your comments, links, email, chat, etc. And thank you to those people whose blogs inspired me to do this - especially those sites I still visit with pleasure (and envy *s*).

Ciao.

let the day come soon...

My wealth is measured in terabytes of lolcats.

truly outrageous

historic

the biggest game in town

What am I going to do in two weeks when this is all over?

So. Much. Fun.

Even dead former Presidents are jumping on the bandwagon.

Also great for people who love stats and maps and history.

Oh yeah, NZ is having their own game. It's certainly more relevant to me, but doesn't appear to be as much fun - either NZ doesn't have as many batshit crazies or they're just hiding well.

For all the kiwis - check out what they think of us in the US:

New Zealanders do not want Americans to know that their country is a sleeping giant. A sleeping giant that will wake when B. Hussein Obama is elected and destroy our great, beautiful, brave, freedom-loving country.

Their prime minister's middle name is Al Qaeda. She has Kim Jong Il on speed dial. And they are ready and waiting to connect the greatest force of terror ever imaginable.

and

You've never been to New Zealand. I have. I've lived there. It is definitely a Muslim country. And it wants war with the US. New Zealanders hate Americans. They will invade if McCain gets in. They're ready and waiting and they have nuclear weapons.

Vote McCain - Save The World God Condemn New Zealand.

God I love America.

nixnet

I have no access to the internets at home. My computer has bricked and the lappy I've borrowed is fritzing also.

So updates/replies are going to be delayed and sporadic.

I doubt anyone will actually notice the difference but I thought I'd give a head's-up to anyone who was getting annoyed.

For once the problem is not (just) my general ennui and lethargy!

things I never knew

And I'm glad I didn't at the time - the eary 80s cold war was a nervous time to grow up in. But this is how one man, Stanislav Petrov, prevented World War III.

Not doing something can be incredibly heroic.

snippet

Yesterday I gardened. Today, the tips of my fingers are sore.

In less important news the LHC is offline for a couple of months, averting the end of the world. Well, postponing it. More time to max out your credit cards!

the subprime kerfuffle explained

Pretty simple really - we're fucked.

lhc update

Are we dead yet?

denizens of the deep

How cool is that?

In other news: my folks arrive to stay for a month (A MONTH) tomorrow night.

Ye gods.

not dead, just sleeping

squidward!

This is beyond awesome:

Giant squid dissection - LIVE from Melbourne.

a blog post?!

So yeah I'm shite at the updates. That's not news.

I'm back from Florida. Been a couple of weeks actually. Some fun and/or memorable things:

- hired the biggest car we could find - Lincoln Navigator: roughly the size of Madagascar with just enough interior space for 6 people and a shoe. Nicknamed the reTARDIS.
- when at the airport collecting one of the last to arrive decided to look up gun ranges on the free computers provided. Then, for a laugh, looked up flight training schools and mosques. Left very quickly after that.
- Florida beaches in midsummer consist entirely of geriatrics and jail-bait. And large hairy men (though to be fair, we were in that category too).
- TV stations in the sunshine state are obsessed with the weather - every 8-10 minutes there was a weather update. It's strange only because the weather NEVER CHANGED. There's a lot of copy/paste done in meteorology there.
- coffee in the US is RUBBISH.
- the American version of rye bread is roughly what we in the Antipodes call white bread. I didn't have white bread whilst there but I imagine it's made of tissue paper, cotton candy and smoke.
- there's high fructose corn syrup in nearly everything. Don't read ingredients lists on food when you're there or you may starve to death.
- cheese is either more orange than the most flamboyant carrot or paler than an anaemic emo.
- don't fly United. Their planes SUCK.

There's more (obviously). I'll post it as it comes to mind.

Now I'm back in Sydney where World Youth Day is underway (it takes a week). And also where it has become illegal to annoy Catholics. Frankly I'd thought it was the other way around: the Catholics are annoying the rest of us. There are so many of them in town the rattling of rosary beads is deafening.

The mobs of penguins roaming the streets are just surreal - I keep expecting one of them to be Robbie Coltrane. It was amusing to see a superfluity* of them duck into the Abercrombie Pub - just for a single creme de menthe of course...

So, in the anti-Catholic spirit (though not, of course, anti-catholic):

The belief that a cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree...
Yeah, makes perfect sense.

Oh, and to George Pell:



* the actual collective noun. Who knew?

more sweat

Still in Florida.

Have lost my phone and broken my foot.

Karate training has begun.

Couldn't find a gator to wrestle but the cockroaches are a big enough alternative.

Fun times.

sweating

In Florida.

It's hot and humid.

We're driving the biggest car I've ever seen.

Off to wrestle gators now.

More updates as they come to hand (or stump...)

mmmm creative...

enzed

After spending just five days back in New Zealand I'm gut-crunchingly homesick for the place.

one for the comic geeks

Anyone familiar with Sandman will get this.

new arrivals

Meet Astrid and Rasmus.

This makes 3 cats, 3 fish and a dog.

hobo matters

blackout

So my computer bricked yesterday. Yay.

There will be a short communications blackout until repairs can be made or replacements found.

I'm tending towards replacement.

I think I feel a mac coming on...

confessions again

A few years ago I dropped this bombshell. Admittedly, since then I've listened to more Radiohead than Dire Straits and, while my tastes haven't entirely swapped poles, would probably now admit to preferring the former to the latter.

But here's another attempt to destroy any vestiges of hip that might remain...

I don't like Gnarls Barkley.

It's not quite in the same category as the previous disclosure I know, they're not really comparable to Radiohead. But wait. The other half of the confession more than makes up for it:

I like ELO.

*cringe*

stupid stupid memes

I'm sure many of you have come across/been spammed with that load of tripe claiming all the spooky similarities in the lives (and especially deaths) Abraham Lincoln and John F Kennedy. Primarily, it's all bollocks or forced 'coincidences' - as I'm sure Snopes will attest.

So I got a bit annoyed when sent it recently - not at the sender: he's always trying to annoy me, so I don't let him - but at the stupid people who write/believe that crap. It was also followed by ways you can fold a US$20 bill to show a) the Pentagon burning, b) the Twin Towers burning, and c) Osama's name. Once again - total shite.

In any case, here's the email:

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head

Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here's the kicker...

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe*.

And my response:
Lincoln was elected to State legislature in 1834
Kennedy spent most of 1934 in hospital with colitis
(aha - but it was a STATE hospital.. spooky...)

Lincoln was elected president a second time in 1964
Kennedy spent 1964 slowly decomposing
(but Lincoln was killed the year after his re-election, Kennedy the year before! Synergy! well, if you squint...)

Lincoln was a Republican, Kennedy was a Democrat
After the assassination Mary Todd went mad, Jackie Kennedy married a Greek millionaire
(but they were both members of political parties! and married! to women! who had hair!)

Lincoln was shot with a .44 calibre single-shot derringer
Kennedy with a Mannlicher-Carcano 6.5mm calibre carbine with telescopic sights
(but they were both shot in the HEAD! Amazing that someone trying to kill them would think of aiming for the same area!)

Lincoln was sitting in a theatre when shot, Kennedy was sitting in a car
(AHA, so both of them were SITTING! ooo, freaky...)

Now it gets really banal:

Andrew Johnson, Lincoln's successor, was from Tennessee and the only Southern Senator to not resign upon secession
Lyndon B Johnson, JFK's successor, was from Texas and was responsible for the massive military build-up in Vietnam
(so similar - maybe they were clones?)

Andrew Johnson was impeached after a disastrous presidency
LBJ won the next election in a landslide
(twins?)

John Wilkes Booth was born in 1838 and was an actor and promised his mum he wouldn't join the army
Lee Harvey Oswald was born in 1939 and was a marine and defected to the USSR, then defected back again (quitter)
(wow, that's so eerie!)

Booth was a Confederacy supporter and vocally opposed to abolition and Lincoln in particular
Oswald was nominally a Communist but his motives & philosophy are still in question
(OMG do Mulder & Scully know about this?)

Booth had acted in plays attended by Lincoln several times without shooting him
Oswald had never met Lincoln but actually tried to assassinate General Walker 7 months earlier
(uncannily similar, no?)

Booth shot Lincoln then fled the state and was caught and killed when he refused to surrender
Oswald shot JFK and was caught in a cinema after shooting a policeman, he was assassinated 2 days later in police custody
(it's like deja vu all over again!)

And here's the throat punch:

A month before he died Lincoln was giving his second inaugural address
A month before he died JFK was planning for the withdrawl of troops from Vietnam
(*gasp!*)

As for the rest of that email - I've got a better picture!
If you look closely you can see Saddam Hussein buggering a bald eagle while dressed as Uncle Sam!
Freakout!



* if this were true it'd be incredibly gross - Marilyn had been dead for a year by then...

funniest thing I have seen for years

So you know I have an odd sense of humour right? But really, seriously, this is the shit. I saw these guys do this on the Melbourne Comedy Gala thing on tv a while back - and nearly had a hernia laughing so much.

Kristen Schaal is a horse.

how to make me hate you

1) Spam my comments spruiking your shitty website. That alone is enough.
2) Rip off an interesting original idea developed by these guys with a site that is nearly identical.
3) Use abysmal grammar in your 'About' page.

I hope you have a car crash.

email conversations

You've all ready seen this...
...probably?
Flat Earth Society FAQ

Freaky weird.

I think this may be the best BBS I've ever stumbled across.

You're a masochist.

No, you are.

No, I'm a sadist.

Now you've hurt my feelings

My work here is done.

How's the dog?

Free to a good home...

Sorry, we just invested in heaters.

He'd make a good draught strip.

You sure he hasn't got any gaps?
What else is he good for?

Mittens.

Is "draught strip" an NZ term? I'm assuming you're referring to a door snake.

NZ doesn't have snakes.
But does have.. err.. strippers...

So NZ is in denial about its snakes, I see.

Denial is in Egypt.

Apparently Denial proves FET

I'd say all it proves is crocodiles.

Crocodiles in denial? I don't think so.

Why do you think they cry so much?

Because they touch themselves at night?

Because they CAN'T - arms too stubby.

I wish I had photoshop right now

I, strangely, am glad you don't.

I have teh mad psd skillz.

ROFL - u iz teh n00b @ l33t:
yu $hld haz sed 'haz'!!1!
LOLZ!!!11!

AHA!!
*points*

Oops.

Yeah, it was a slow day...

getting there

Via The Dropkicks & Spare Room

wtf??!

Repo: the Genetic Opera.

Weird!

I can't wait.

it has to be asked..

..did someone get his gun?

RIP Charlton Heston.

PS bags not that bit of soylent green...

all the cool kids are doing it*

Muxtape.

* plus me.

siren call

So I've been obsessing over the lyrics of an early 80s cover of an early 70s song. Hey, I work for the public service - you have to find your own fun.

Song to the Siren by This Mortal Coil from 1984 is a cover of a Tim Buckley song and, like many notable covers, has become the definitive version. It has haunted me since I first heard it and sparked a lengthy and passionate love of Cocteau Twins and especially Elizabeth Fraser's vocals/lyrics/whatever you call them.

Ahhh.. crap. There I was writing and googling about dissecting the song's lyrics and meaning and stuff and this guy goes and completely blows me out of the water. Two and a half years ago too.

The internet sucks - it lets you know rather too quickly just how unoriginal you really are.

Bum.

coolest robot ev0r

(hat tip to Jam)

shaggy dog story

Meet Rufus.
Yes, he is part muppet.

open the pod bay doors

RIP Arthur C Clarke. He was arguably the most important single person to the early days of space exploration - a position roughly analogous with that of Alan Turing's to the genesis of computing. Incidentally he also had a fascination for the ocean and was a keen diver.

If you've not read any of his I recommend The Songs of Distant Earth, Rendezvous with Rama, Childhood's End and, of course, 2001: A Space Odyssey. His short story collections Tales from the White Hart and The Nine Billion Names of God are also essential reading: the latter eponymous story ending with a line that always gives me goosebumps.

travels and tribulations

So the taxi to the airport was interesting. Hopped in and said "to the airport!" (just like in the movies, only I added "mate" because it's Australia and everything ends with mate mate).

The big African dude driving asked where I was off to and on learning it was NZ said "Kiwi! You like this then!" (not a question - statement) and proceeded to wind all the windows down and put on Bob Marley at about 120db. Which, luckily, I did like. Very much.

As is always the case when running late for a flight there were road works, detours, jams and all manner of delays. Which the driver dealt with by alternately singing along with Bob (good voice) and driving bowel-looseningly fast in mid-afternoon city traffic. I wonder what he drives like when listening to metal.

Then the flight. Ahhh, yes... Things Jetstar should do:

* Put more than three people on the the check-in counter for a flight of 200+ people.

* Allow more than 15 seconds between 'boarding' and 'final call', especially if they've only just checked your bag in 2 minutes previously.

* Don't give the captain a microphone if he's going to rabbit on for about 10 minutes about wind speed and - significantly - forget the name of the destination.

* Apply more superglue to their aircraft when assembling them to prevent the all-over disconcerting rattling on take-off and landing.

* Not give beer and bourbon continuously to the loud guy who seemed to think he was the life of the party but had apparently modeled his personality on that of an Aussie cricketer. With the cultured nuances of a League player added.

But in any case: here I am in Christchurch again. Where it has, apparently, been beautiful weather - sunny, high 20s temperatures - up until I arrived. Of course.

Still, it's nice to be back again. But now I must go put on a hat and find some thicker socks.

not Bodhi too!

This just in: Patrick Swayze only has weeks to live...

Best reaction quote:

Oh no! It's almost as bad as losing the Hoff!

Update: Not dying - just very, very sick.

save vs death

Failed.

Sad news for geeks everywhere.

More here, here and here.

one for my bro

So that's how they make 'em - who'da thunk it?

Also - is that narrated by the guy who did the voice of the book in the radio series of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? Probly my imagination.

And, on a totally different note, THIS is genius. Wish I'd thought of it first.

Also: The Big Word Project. This blog is ineffable. Obviously. (via Jam)

best.movie.ev0r

Via Nobody Scores.

connectivity update

Following the storm last night (awesome, and not a little scary - especially when the lightning hit a building up the road...) I appear to have lost internet at home. Hopefully this is due to a physical network problem - not because some part of my computer fritzed - and therefore will be back soon.

Anyone trying to get me on Facebook or MySpace will have to actually email me (shock! horror! how appallingly Web1.0!) since they've unkindly blocked it at work. And YouTube. Bastards, I'm looking for a new job - this is just cruel and inhumane punishment...

Also, if you're playing scrabble against me online you can't force the win just coz I'm tardy with the next move. That's just rude.

In a effort to keep you entertained (you fickle, capricious bastards..) here's something eerie, wacky and strangely poignant. Or something. Make up your own minds. Do I have to tell you everything? Jesus.

tagfluenza

I was infected by nonny, she having been coughed on by Baino, the incubation period has been about 4 weeks and so here's the pus squeezed out of one of my tag-buboes...

First up the symptoms:

Post the rules on your blog.
Share six non-important things/ habits/ quirks about yourself.
Tag at least 3 people at the end of the post and link to their blogs.
Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

1. There's a mole in the middle of my chest, just below the collarbone, in exactly the same place my mother had one. She had hers removed years ago but I think it was turned into some kind of freaky family heirloom.

2. I love gardening but hate having dirty hands. Such a conundrum! (Fortunately some genius invented gardening gloves...)

3. I only passed 3 subjects in 7th form - biology, English, and geography. I failed the rest miserably: partly due to disinterest but mostly to do with the phenomenal amount of weed I smoked that year. Actually, I'm not sure I passed geography. Man I was stoned...

4. Flossing has become something of a ritual to me since I had my teeth punched in. I may yet lose some more due to extreme circumstances but buggered if I'm losing any to decay.

5. Crap, I have to think of 6 of these? Argh.. Ok, I hate the feel of suede. No, actually that doesn't count coz it's bloody important. Ummm... I don't like most poetry except for haiku and limericks. Short & sweet, that's the way. On the other hand I can recite 'The Listeners' by Walter De La Mare from memory.

6. I've not been in the sea for over a year now. I probably should get a new nickname - neither the 'fish' nor the 'boy' bit are particularly applicable anymore. IT Gimp? HelpDesk Grump? SarcasticLazyPainInTheAss? Hmmmm...

There you go. An itchy, inflamed case of tagczema.

I tag Michelle, Babs and Claire.

Though I'm not going to tell them about it. So the chances are that this contagion will stop here. Call off the CDC.

Also, something really witty: teh best Lolzspeare ev0r!!1!

warms my misanthropic heart

Can someone please set up something like this? I'd do it myself but I'm still working on ApathySpace...

deep, man...

Sorry to keep harping on about astronomy, the universe an' all that crap - and apologies for the music in the clip (there's no excuse for panpipes) - but this is awesome:

Cosmic.

hippo birdy

Link fiesta:

Everything I hate about comics condensed into one man. Rob Liefeld, and an explanation of why his fingers should be broken. Repeatedly.

For all those (c'mon there's got to be at least 3...) who had been wondering if the entire collection of C.J.isms would ever be condensed into handy web page form - you're in luck!

The fail blog. Especially the Escher Fail - there's a story there I'm sure...

Brilliant firefox add-on - PicLens. Love this. Look!

Feed the head! But be aware it may devour a fair chunk of your day. Do it at work.

Finally! One of geekdom's most troublesome questions answered.

Xkcd blog/blag discusses the physics and possible utility of space lasers & solar sails and in light of worries about interstellar warfare goes to the logical conclusion. Heh.

Check out Kate Beaton and the History Project.
Funny, clever stuff.

Finally: it's my birthday today and it's been ok. Yay me!

scrabulous

Once again, yes - I am 13 years old..

on another religious note..

Following on from the ravings of Tom Cruise, here's a much more respected (and probably infinitely more intelligent) man being a total knob-head.

Ok, those aren't technically his words. Well, not all the choices. But some of the alternatives are at least funny - and aren't significantly more deranged than his words.

Seriously though, listen to TC's rantings. The man's a fucking moron. And a loon to boot.

xenu is teh n00b!!1!

They Rickrolled the Church of Scientology! That has to be the best 'protest' ev0r.
Man, nerds should run every mob.

wuckud

The beautiful harmony of surging music, slo-mo skateboarding an' blowin' shit up:

quote

Sally Sparrow: I love old things. They make me feel sad.
Kathy Nightingale: What's good about sad?
Sally Sparrow: It's happy for deep people.

Still busy.
Also generally afflicted with lack of urge to blog.
Although I wrote some haiku* the other day which I may inflict on you if you're unlucky.


* haikus? haikii? haikexes?

intermission

Sorry. Too busy. Can't blog.
Job at the moment like this, with more flogging:
Hope I can blog about the total systems fuck-up that's been happening at work.
Depends on whether I want to keep my job I guess...
I'm in two minds at the moment.

battles

4 minutes made of awesome - Atlas by Battles

On the album it's 3 minutes longer and has even more awesomeness.

Oh, and happy New Year everyone.

Smoochies.