Thursday, May 08, 2008

stupid stupid memes

I'm sure many of you have come across/been spammed with that load of tripe claiming all the spooky similarities in the lives (and especially deaths) Abraham Lincoln and John F Kennedy. Primarily, it's all bollocks or forced 'coincidences' - as I'm sure Snopes will attest.

So I got a bit annoyed when sent it recently - not at the sender: he's always trying to annoy me, so I don't let him - but at the stupid people who write/believe that crap. It was also followed by ways you can fold a US$20 bill to show a) the Pentagon burning, b) the Twin Towers burning, and c) Osama's name. Once again - total shite.

In any case, here's the email:

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head

Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here's the kicker...

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe*.

And my response:
Lincoln was elected to State legislature in 1834
Kennedy spent most of 1934 in hospital with colitis
(aha - but it was a STATE hospital.. spooky...)

Lincoln was elected president a second time in 1964
Kennedy spent 1964 slowly decomposing
(but Lincoln was killed the year after his re-election, Kennedy the year before! Synergy! well, if you squint...)

Lincoln was a Republican, Kennedy was a Democrat
After the assassination Mary Todd went mad, Jackie Kennedy married a Greek millionaire
(but they were both members of political parties! and married! to women! who had hair!)

Lincoln was shot with a .44 calibre single-shot derringer
Kennedy with a Mannlicher-Carcano 6.5mm calibre carbine with telescopic sights
(but they were both shot in the HEAD! Amazing that someone trying to kill them would think of aiming for the same area!)

Lincoln was sitting in a theatre when shot, Kennedy was sitting in a car
(AHA, so both of them were SITTING! ooo, freaky...)

Now it gets really banal:

Andrew Johnson, Lincoln's successor, was from Tennessee and the only Southern Senator to not resign upon secession
Lyndon B Johnson, JFK's successor, was from Texas and was responsible for the massive military build-up in Vietnam
(so similar - maybe they were clones?)

Andrew Johnson was impeached after a disastrous presidency
LBJ won the next election in a landslide

John Wilkes Booth was born in 1838 and was an actor and promised his mum he wouldn't join the army
Lee Harvey Oswald was born in 1939 and was a marine and defected to the USSR, then defected back again (quitter)
(wow, that's so eerie!)

Booth was a Confederacy supporter and vocally opposed to abolition and Lincoln in particular
Oswald was nominally a Communist but his motives & philosophy are still in question
(OMG do Mulder & Scully know about this?)

Booth had acted in plays attended by Lincoln several times without shooting him
Oswald had never met Lincoln but actually tried to assassinate General Walker 7 months earlier
(uncannily similar, no?)

Booth shot Lincoln then fled the state and was caught and killed when he refused to surrender
Oswald shot JFK and was caught in a cinema after shooting a policeman, he was assassinated 2 days later in police custody
(it's like deja vu all over again!)

And here's the throat punch:

A month before he died Lincoln was giving his second inaugural address
A month before he died JFK was planning for the withdrawl of troops from Vietnam

As for the rest of that email - I've got a better picture!
If you look closely you can see Saddam Hussein buggering a bald eagle while dressed as Uncle Sam!

* if this were true it'd be incredibly gross - Marilyn had been dead for a year by then...

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