merry christmas? screw you..

Bah bloody humbug..

Actually my Christmas shopping (as always at the very last minute: I can't shop without a deadline) went relatively well this year. Well, I think so now; but the recipients of the presents will probably furnish me with a bewildered "thanks...?" and a 'what-the-fuck?' look. That's what Christmas is all about to me: wasting money on useless crap. God bless us, one and all.

Anyway, props to my girl-friday Eroica for getting me through the horror of shopping today. Cheers babe, next year I might even buy something for you!

Anyway, here are a few Xmas themed links:

D's London shopping expedition.

Those Catalonians are a bunch of freaky weirdos.

Pornolize your favourite felching xmas carol. Asslicker.

And a Scaryduck Christmas Tale. Although there's probably going to be a trouser-soilingly funny story up there tomorrow anyway.

Right, I'm off to bed: need to be well rested for all the eating and drinking I've got planned for tomorrow. I'll recap my NZ visit and all the babies I managed to avoid holding at a later date.

the Christmas spirit

In New Zealand. Having fun. Drinking too much. Will blog more later.

Meanwhile: Vote Chris Christmas Rodriguez to replace Santa!

bollocks to this:

I'm off to New Zealand.

Adios amigos!

Or in the native parlance: spot ya later bro.

workin' hard for the man..

I've had an impressively slack day today.

I was over an hour late for work (not that anyone noticed) and it wasn't long after I'd settled in to sending email to friends and reading the newspaper that we had the Christmas lunch for our team (go Team Death!). This involved much scarfing down of junk food and general slacking around for an hour or so.

A brief interlude of work then punctuated the general slothfulness.

But fortunately I had to go out for lunch with the IT boys, or The Disciples, as we call them (there are 12 of them but that's where the similarity breaks down - I didn't say it was a *good* nickname did I?). Which involved a kickarse Thai chicken salad and a few well-earned G&Ts. Ok, I didn't earn them today but I'm sure at some point in the past I'd accrued enough G&T-in-lieu points to redeem them on such a beautiful sunny day.

An hour & a half or so later we wandered merrily (considerably more merry in a few cases) back to work. Where, in a frenzy of gin and Protestant work ethic guilt fueled activity, I actually achieved a few things.

Fortunately I didn't have to sustain the level of intensity for long before it was time for afternoon tea put on by one of the agencies. Which involved some more slothing around eating expensive foods and generally wasting company time.

After that was siesta time: drooped at my desk trying (somewhat unsuccessfully) to keep my eyes open or at least not drool on the keyboard. Not for the first time am I glad I've got an office to myself in one of the less populated areas of the building.

Tomorrow I'm taking a blanket and a pillow.

Before anyone calls my professionalism into account, and to illustrate what an abominably easy job I do, in the very little time I actually spent working today I still managed to fulfill my 'quota' and answer several dozen inane questions from my workmates. Yes, I am a legend.

hot enough for ya?

Work is closed today due to a 'chemical reaction' (I've no idea - will investigate).

Yay! Paid day off!

Downside: it's 38 degrees right now and I don't have air conditioning.

I'm melllltiiiinngggg....

danger danger

This fucking country is trying to kill me. I swear it.

It seems that everything here wants to eat me. And not in the good way.

The other night, whist performing my regular karma-leveling rodent rescue (or feline fun deprivation as Griffin would have it) I was viciously attacked by a caterpillar. That's right: a fucking caterpillar!

The sonofabitch lept out of a tree onto my neck and tried to sink his gummy little fangs into me. Bastard. So I used up the cosmic brownie-points gained in the mouse-catch-and-release program by squishing the little larval bastard's ass..

Not before the damage was done, however: I have the worst itchy, stinging neck where he rasped his poisonous hairy belly over me.

Don't come to Australia: it'll try to kill ya. If the sharks, crocs, spiders, snakes, scorpions, spiders, jellyfish, dingos, and spiders don't get you the evil butterfly spawn will.

But the spiders will probably get you.

Did I mention the spiders?