the zen of buses

I use public transport a lot.

Mostly because driving in this city is a futile and maddening affair, partly because I don't really enjoy driving much, partly because I'm a goddamn hippy and hate to see more of the planet swallowed up by roads, gas-stations, parking spaces and SU-fucking-Vs.

Not at all because I don't actually have a drivers license. Oops. I noticed a month or so ago that my NZ license expired earlier this year and I've so far totally failed to get my Aussie license. Naughty Fishboy.

But back to the buses.

What is it with people who talk on their cellphones on the bus? And why is it that they always talk so LOUD? Do they not understand that buses are a time for relaxation and quiet contemplation: meditation even. All interaction with other people should be shunned at all costs. Even eye contact is best avoided.

Some people choose to read books or the newspaper but we bus purists need not those fripperies. Just gaze out the window and allow the hypnotic rhythms of the bus and soothing honks from the traffic transport you (heh) to a state of mass transit nirvana. Or that's what I tell myself every morning when I'm being thrown around inside a giant cocktail shaker by a deranged, epileptic driver.

If you receive a call on a bus by all means talk. But keep it brief and quiet. The whole bus doesn't need to hear your shrieking gossip about what that skank did at the party on Saturday, or the details of your quarterly finance meeting, or your passive-aggressive argument with your lover.

similarly, if you're on the bus with a friend try to use your 'indoor' voice. If the bus happens to be packed and you're standing somewhat apart with other people between you WAIT till you get OFF the BUS. Don't keep shouting at each other over fellow passengers because they will get VERY annoyed and string you up from the ceiling rails by your daft useless scarf you peroxided HARPY.

Ok, I didn't actually do that but then I'd not had my morning coffee so I was focused mostly on trying to stay awake & upright. But that and several other gruesome scenes sprang to mind. There are a couple of irritating idiots still alive in the world just because I'm not a morning person.